Crowns of gold at the Met Gala

Better Have My Money: Learning 'bout stocks so we all become rich

Hi friends!

Welcome to Better Have My Money, my weekly newsletter about stocks for newbies who are deeply confused and maybe a lil intimidated by the stock market. Better Have My Money is a gif-filled rundown of the things I've learned that week from my own tiny brand new stock portfolio (from how to buy a share, to being mad about how much CEOs get paid, to all the investing questions you're too embarrassed to ask) and the things I'm still learning. 

Happy Met Gala night! Like you (I presume, if not, send me pics) Anna Wintour also seemed to forget my invite this year so me and my gold and red beaded gown are just hanging on the couch wearing a huge crown, figuring out which Pope we'll vote for next (the answer is RiRi). 

On a less sexy note, at Facebook's (FB) F8 conference the other day, Mark Zuckerberg announced Facebook was going to roll out dating features. "This will be focused on long-term relationships, not just hookups," said Zuck, which, rude tbh, since it's summer fling time not cuffing season. 

What part of FACEBOOK DATING feels sexy? It just sounds like hell. I am not a user of "the apps" but I feel confident saying that while Tinder is terrible and OK Cupid is apparently all couples looking for threesomes (is this a known fact? A friend told me the other day!) and is old people, these all sound preferable to Facebook dating.

But clearly it freaked out investors, cause Match (MTCH) stock —which owns the aforementioned Tinder, OK Cupid, and Match... as well as some dating site called PlentyOfFish??! — dropped 15% immediately. This is a company that's been making huge gains recently, it's up 83% in the last year even AFTER the recent fall.

So after being reminded by Jana's hot-or-maybe-not stock tip from a few weeks ago and with $250 waiting in my Robinhood after I transferred it a few weeks ago (shameless plug for my Robinhood referral code, let's all get a free stock) I decided to buy a few. 

I bought six Match shares at $36.50, although they did go down later to $34. My dad once told me "you'll never buy a stock at its very lowest so don't worry" and it is honestly a helpful thing to remember as hopefully a year from now they're up significantly and a few dollars doesn't make a difference. Right now I'm down a few bucks, but I reckon it'll rebound pretty quickly since I don't think Facebook dating is going to replace Tinder.

Confusing term of the week: "performance fee" — the payment a financial manager gets for making a positive return on investments aka when the money they're managing makes money

Last week I drank two margaritas and then paid $160 (the marketing here was very deceiving!!! I originally thought it was just $49) to sign up for The Motley Fool Stock Advisor. Surely the most over 30s thing I've ever done.

Basically it's access to their top stock picks. I've mentioned Motley Fool before because it's one of the few financial publications seemingly not written by cyborgs. I might cancel within the 30 day period, but so far I am really into their two top stock picks — Shopify (SHOP) and Okta (OKTA) — neither of which I was aware of (well, I know Okta, I use it daily, just didn't know it was a public company). 

Here's a look at my stocks this week, which might show you why I'm bringing in specialist advice (yes that is Estee Lauder (ET) dropping approx 10% this week wth). 

And then to my biggest lesson this week, my weed stocks.

So this idiot bought a few more weed stocks this week. Again. It's already down 30%! How much lower could it get??? And then, surprise surprise, it dropped.

Just a recap of all the damn times I've bought Cronos Group (CRON) stock, aka the only marijuana company on the US stock exchange, in the last two months.

  • 50 shares @ $9.67 each on March 8

  • 1 week later: 10 shares @ $7.91

  • another week later: 5 shares @ $7.35

  • five days later: 10 shares @ $7.25

  • THE SAME DAY (what was I thinking): 4 shares @ $6.98

  • five weeks later: 5 shares @ $5.90

So you'll see a clear pattern here — me, being a fool, repeatedly.

The last FIVE TIMES I've bought these shares, it's been so that I "lower" my overall cost-per-share, cause I bought my initial lot of 50 right at its peak. But it also means I've spent several hundred more than I ever planned, AND cause the damn price just keeps bloody dropping, I've lost more and more money. I'm now down 34% overall (that's $247), which isn't a HUGE amount of money but it's a return flight to Miami.

This is very numbers heavy, BUT if I had just remained with my initial investment of 50 shares, for a total of $483.50, I'd be currently down $197. Annoying, but less of a pickle than I am now! Plus, despite my whole joyous plan to lower my cost-per-share, the average cost of my shares was $8.68. Still not that low despite all my work!

Anyway, I have now decided I am not buying any damn more of that stock. One day it will rise again. In a few years I will sell it. And that's it.
After last week's chat about IRA's (a topic I am still bamboozled by) reader Kirsten sent in this GREAT info, thank you Kirsten.I wanted to give you (and readers) a little more info about IRAs. You actually CAN use (some of) that money to buy a house. Other times you can also take money out of a Roth here.Also, with a Roth IRA, you can withdraw the money you put in, at any time without the 10% penalty! You just receive the penalty if you pull out any gains you made before retirement age. If you have the account for more than 5 years, you can pull out the money tax free. Roth IRAs are really great financial tool that you + your readers should definitely look into a little more. I'm part of a lot of financial independence (search r/FIRE) blogs/communities and they recommend putting as much money as you can (or the caps set by the government) before investing in a taxable account, like Robinhood. You are, or will be, paying a whole lot of taxes on those accounts if you do well, so try to look into tax free accounts, so that you get to keep all the money you make, not the government!  If you've got some extra pennies this week, I recommend donating some money to this fundraiser for a homeless man in NYC, who used to be a successful journalist and later worked in political communications before losing everything. A good reminder that careers can be tenuous.


  • Jade A. Waters: "I freaking love you and your newsletter, @bhavemymoney. Thank you!" — Jade writes sexy erotic novels!!!!! Wow that is more fun than money, plz tell us more.

  • Liz Hess: Me every time I open a @bhavemymoneynewsletter. Who knew IRAs were useful? (PSA: SUBSCRIBE. IT'S SO GOOD) — thank you Liz, but even more thanks to Kirsten for teaching us actual IRA facts!

Forward this onto your mates who also don't want to use Facebook dating thanks, and get them to subscribe. Follow us at @bhavemymoney, and tweet nice things and tag us. It makes a huge difference when youtweet the subscription linkand tell your pals to sign up!

And finally, a reminder that one ticket to the Met Gala (which is invite only!) costs $30,000!