Hi friends!
Welcome to Better Have My Money, my Monday night newsletter about money, investing and chatting about the stuff most people avoid.
It’s a long weekend here in the US — President’s Day, one of those ones I always forget about or work cause like who cares about a holiday in February. But this year I went away with some pals to a house upstate and did… very little. We didn’t even finish our 1000 piece puzzle or all of the wine! Glorious.
This is to say, I’m keeping this short to keep that holiday buzz as long as I can (also a reminder that the best reason to save money is so that you can spend it hanging out with your friends in a house in the woods?).
But I’ve been wanting to try out Substack’s comment feature with you all. I get such wonderful emails and tweets from readers, and I wish you could all talk to each other more. Not just cause I suck at replying to emails — I really suck at replying to emails — but because sometimes I wish you guys could advise and help each other, plus just share all your money goss. So I figured we could finally give a comments section a go.
And I know exactly what I want to talk about. This week’s episode of Get Money, the podcast I co-host which surely you have all subscribed to by now ahem? quick go leave us a review — is all about getting *financially naked*, whether that’s with your partner or your friends.
As my co-host Ally Jane Ayers said during the ep:
“Money just equals what you’re able to do with your life. What size house are you going to buy? What much is your rent going to be? Are your kids going to go to private schools? There’s so much that goes into it. So not having someone on the same page as you or someone that just has a completely different money philosophy can lead to other issues, even if you’re absolutely in love.
… Knowing someone’s income is helpful but more than that is knowing their spending habits. You could have all the income in the world but if you’re spending 100% of it or 110% of it, you’re going to be finding yourself in credit card debt all the time.”
Ellevest also did a clever story about how to talk about money when dating (I guess even finance publications do Valentines Day content? Urgh, it is inescapable) that had a bunch of excellent opening lines if you’ve been nervous about bringing up money.
But I wanna hear from you about the conversations you’ve had about money with loved ones before! Let’s make it clear that this is not a discussion only for coupled up people OK, proud single lady here who hates to pay the singles tax (hello not sharing the cost of a hotel room away with someone).
Do you disagree with your someone significant in your life — a family member, lover, best friend or parent — when it comes to how you invest your money? What about how you spend it? How have these different money philosophies caused tension? Have you told someone your money situation — either good or bad — and it was a disaster?
Come and *join the conversation* as they say (sorry) and talk to us all about it (not sorry)! I’ll be floating around the post tomorrow morn and lunchtime and after work and just all week really, so come chat.
And look, since it’s President’s Day, maybe give some cash to the Obama Foundation? (not picking this based on parties but remember how in December the Trump Foundation had to pay back $2 million to eight charities for misusing funds and spending it on his campaign?).
May every week be a four-day week,
Amber Jamieson
Better Have My Money is on Twitter @bhavemymoney, so please tweet nice things (aka the link to our sign up page) and tag us. Got a mate who should be president? Forward this onto them and tell them to subscribe.
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I have been with my partner since college, so in this respect I feel really lucky that we were able to have tough money conversations before we started full-time, real-world jobs. We came from very different backgrounds in terms of financial literacy (my grandpa gave me a little bit of money to invest in stocks as a graduation present, whereas his family isn't as focused on long-term saving), but thankfully we are both on the same page about our own finances.
People think we're a little strange, actually (well, we are, but that's a different story!). We have a joint account for big-ticket items and home improvement expenses, but we have kept our own accounts for everything else. We alternate paying everything: alternate on groceries, filling up the car, etc. And for utilities and things we still square up at the end of the month like we're just roommates. Our salaries have both fluctuated in terms of who makes more, so we figure it all comes out in the wash anyway.
One conversation we have had over the last few years is a strategy for paying off his remaining student loans (he paid off everything in his name, now is paying off the loan his parents borrowed for him). We're constantly working the numbers to figure out if we should move money around to pay more of it now, or to keep the payments a little smaller and drag it out a bit. I try to help where I can by either giving him a little bit for an extra principal payment, or paying for a larger expense so he doesn't need to chip in 50% and can use the money elsewhere. It's a work in progress, but we're getting there!
I'll be the guinea pig! My partner and I have VERY different philosophies about money. I am looser with the wallet, love credit cards & points (which I pay off every month, tbf) and also like to invest most of my savings. He is extremely frugal and highly risk-averse, so keeps his money in a (legitimately freaky high-interest) savings account. Because of this, we have kept all of our finances completely separate after getting married because we knew we'd drive each other nuts even if we could just see what the other was doing with their money. We venmo each other our portion of the rent/utilities depending on who pays. But I will say my student debt legitimately freaked him out when we first discussed getting married. It took him 4 years to get used to the idea of marrying someone with so much student debt. (He has no student debt of any kind, and was literally paid to go to college.)
Also my dad! I have thought about this a lot recently. He is brilliant with investing, obsessively follows his, mine, and my brothers' retirement accounts and investment funds, and helps me rebalance my portfolios at least once a year. It is his one hobby. It can be a little much now that I am a full adult and married, etc, but it can be nice to have someone looking out for me. He does, however, have a slightly riskier view of debt in general. He encouraged me to go wherever I wanted for college and take out honestly pretty massive loans, which I don't necessarily regret but also wish I'd been more aware and worked harder to take out less initially (scholarships, etc). He gave the same advice to my brothers, who have even less earning potential than I do and all of us are feeling the crunch now. He will also take out the longest loan possible for a lower monthly payment but still pay more over the life of the loan, and my mom and I are like "but why?" Not sure if it has to do with our very different income brackets? Though it has been fun to bond with him over our shared love of investing and finances now!